Getting Really Sick of Life

YOU KNOW I BELIEVE SO MUCH IN GOD, AND REASONS FOR GOING THROUGH WHAT WE DO. BUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME I CAN'T SEEM TO FIGURE OUT WHY A GOD SO FULL OF LOVE WOULD MAKE SOMEONE WHO IS ALSO SO FULL OF LOVE GO THROUGH LIFE SO DAMN LONELY. THERE IS NO BIOLOGICAL FAMILY FOR ME TO CALL MY OWN AND THERE IS NO FAMILY I HAVE MADE FOR MYSELF. DON'T GET ME WRONG I HAVE TRIED AND TRIED BUT IT ALWAYS LEEDS TO MY FAILURE. I HAD THREE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN ONLY TO LOOSE THE LAST ONE THIS FRIDAY. I ALMOST JUST WANT TO GIVE UP ON EVER BEING ABLE TO BE HAPPY ON THIS STUPID PLANET.

I SWEAR THE MORE YOU LOVE, THE MORE YOU CARE, AND THE MORE YOU HOLD ONTO HOPE THE MORE YOU ARE LET DOWN.

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO LOCATE MY FAMILY VIA THE INTERNET ONLY TO FIND THAT I AM NOT LISTED AS A REALITIVE. WHAT A SLAP IN THE FACE... TO THEM I DON'T EVEN EXIST. I THOUGHT THAT AS I GOT OLDER THE NEED AND WANT FOR A MOM AND DAD WOULD SOMEHOW VANISH, INSTEAD IT GROWS STRONGER AND THE REJECTION HITS HARDER.

I'VE NEVER HAD A DESIRE TO BE RICH OR FAMOUS, JUST TO BE PART OF A FAMILY SOMEWHERE. I HAVE TRAVELED, LITTERALLY, ACROSS THE UNITED STATES AND BACK AGAIN LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO CALL HOME, NEVER FINDING "IT" AND ALWAYS COMING BACK TO GEORGIA. UNFORTUNATLY IT IS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE THE PLACE GOD KEEPS BRINGING ME BACK TO FOR MY PUNISHMENT.

I WENT TO THE CEMETARY AFTER WORK TODAY, YOU DON'T STAND OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB CRYING THERE. I SAT IN FRONT OF A HEAD STONE AND READ "BELOVED WIFE, MOTHER AND NANA," FOR A SECOND I SAW MINE AND IT SAID "PAID FOR BY THE COUNTY!"

SIGNED,

EXTREMLY HURT